I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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