I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
