you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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