Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
