I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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