I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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