I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
