Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Damn victory sex feels great
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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