what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
