You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
