i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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