I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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