At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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