So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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