I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
