she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
