Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
