haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize