He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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