she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
