listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Randomize
