Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
