the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
