god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
