If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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