the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
third nipple confirmed
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
