is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
