Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
