at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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