Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
