everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
