first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
