if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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