like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
