I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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