It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
