Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
barbara walters just said penis...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
