i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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