Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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