I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize