I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
