Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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