party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
