You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
