guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need to calm my uterus...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
ok first of all what the fuck
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
