You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
