Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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