i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
