Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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