just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
