I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
