Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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