my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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