Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
