I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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