mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
