someone threw a dead crab at me
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I believe in your delicious
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
