you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
