I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
