Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
