I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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