I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
