Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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