My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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