whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
