wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Are we still banned from the library?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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