Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
