He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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