3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
