i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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