Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
