If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
