So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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