Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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