Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
