We got so high we made milksteak
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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