Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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