I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
