:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
