Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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