Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
