at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
