I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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