Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
