Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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