I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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