Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
