If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
