You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
