Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My liver just had a heart attack.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
