OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
