I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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