When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
