I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
