i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
