Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
